she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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