im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
