I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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