I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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