Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
