So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
