i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
