I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
