Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
