I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
