I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize