Apparently you make a good broom.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
