you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
