Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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