Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
