Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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