So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
