apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
