The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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