Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
