It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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