Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
