Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
