I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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