u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
