I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Randomize
