I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
worst night to have a conscience
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
