Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize