I cannot find my penis.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
tell me about the eggs
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