Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
