I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
