I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
