You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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