Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
