Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize