I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
