nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
