She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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