Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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