I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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