Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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