5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
