I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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