Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
