I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
