I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
