I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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