everyone is single if you try hard enough
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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