I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
