Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
