just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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