My hand turned me down
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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