just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
