Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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