Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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