My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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