guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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