I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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