all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
