drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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