I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
