I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the condom got lost in my hair
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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