Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
