so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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