This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
