there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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