You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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