Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
