i permit you to call me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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