oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
