Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize