More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
