I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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