Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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