new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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