They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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