I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
