I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
