After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
