he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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