Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
