could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
