It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
