i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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