I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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