Little spoons don't ask big questions
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
