I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
