he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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