How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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