I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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