Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
