Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
