I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
