Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
