So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
